Thursday, December 15, 2011

Wait -- Where Am I Going?

"You were given this life because you were strong enough to live it"...
I have always been told that I am never given something that I cannot handle, that there is always a lesson to be learned and that everything is going to turn out okay in the end - and if it's not okay, it is not the end.  As I have stated many times in previous blog posts before this one, I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason.  I believe that events happen so that we can grow and become better people.  We look back on the past and applaud ourselves for all that we have accomplished and wonder how we ever got through those struggling times and made it to today.   We have a tendency to feel as though we are never going to get through something or that it is never going to pass - we are wrong.  Just like how a rainbow appears after every rain shower and storm, so does a better YOU reveal itself after every trial.   It is as if each time we are tried, that hard and husky outer shell is peeled back to expose that strong inner part of ourselves that we didn't know we had.   It isn't until we are given the opportunity to break down and humble ourselves, do we realize how much potential and strength we really do possess.   It is so comforting to know that God trusts in me enough to give me the struggles I face, having complete faith in me that I WILL make it through them and come out on top as a better person.

Changing ourselves can be the most hardest and trying thing that we will ever have to face.  Coming out of our comfort zone and putting ourselves in a place that may seem unfamiliar is something that we do not adjust to easily.  It is natural for us as human beings to want to stay in our comfort zones and not ever want to get caught up in something different to what we currently know.  We like to feel comfortable - anything that makes us uncomfortable we try to avoid.  I know that I am guilty of running away from change.  It is so hard sometimes to want to embrace something different - to want to face new adventures head on and accept everything that happens along the way.  It is difficult.

Intellectually we know that we need to make some changes, but emotionally we cannot even bear the thought of feeling something different.  Even if those feelings are negative and detrimental to our well being, the thought of feeling something other than that can be confusing.  We have become so used to being the way we are that we keep ourselves trapped in an endless cycle and never give ourselves the chance to experience something better.  We try to tell ourselves that "this is it" - that this is how it is and how it's going to be and that we just need to accept it, when really - we are lying to ourselves and making up excuses as to why we can't let go.  We trick ourselves into thinking that if we let go, we are letting down our guard and giving up our security blanket.  This is false.  The longer we hold on, the longer we trap ourselves - as soon as we let go, we have complete freedom.  The hardest part is actually letting go.

Recently I have experienced some major transitions in my life.  We all come to a crossroad at some point in our lives where we have to choose which path to take.  In most cases, one path shows very little change, temporary happiness, and long lasting misery.  Whereas the other shows BIG changes, temporary difficulties/challenges, and everlasting happiness.  Looking at this in writing or from a distance, it is easy to make the choice - but when we are caught up in the middle of it all, it is hard to differentiate between what we really NEED and what is EASY.  I know that I chose the more difficult path - but it is the one that is going to bring me more happiness in comparison to the alternative.  Having to let go of things and people so I could make the gospel number one in my life was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  Trying to live a Christ centered life may not always be the easiest, but it is the most fulfilling - I am experiencing this first-hand.     I know that it doesn't matter what I've done or where I've been, there will always be a way for me to reach that light at the end of the tunnel if it is what I choose.  A huge part of that process requires letting go and giving ourselves up in order to receive something better.  We have to want a life worth living - a life worth saving - and a life worth fighting for.  In the New Testament, Matthew 16:25 it says "For whosever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it." -- It really is that simple.

Life is constantly changing.  Nothing is ever at a stand-still for very long.  We are all trying to pave our way through this corrupt and destructive world the best we can.  We may not know know the outcome, we may not even know what tomorrow looks like - but what we do know, is that anything and everything we do is for a reason.  We are exactly where we are supposed to be, whether for a trial of our own, or for another - everything happens for a reason.  We know that we aren't given anything we cannot overcome - so don't question it.  As hard as it may be, embrace it - have faith that it will pass.

As I continue to go through this journey, although still in the midst of trial, I know that a greater happiness awaits.  I don't know what life will look like a year from now, or even a month, but I do know that the choices I have made up to this point have helped me move forward.  I am one step closer to where I want to be and another day further away from where I don't want to return.  If that is all it will ever be - I know I can say I tried and did all I can, and for that I will be happy.  Getting to this point won't be easy.  You will want to give up, you will want to quit, and you may lose people along the way - but for every time you get up, every time you keep pushing yourself to go on - more people will come into your life to aid you in your progression. Your support system will grow and you will feel an incomparable love that will be so hard to describe.  Life will no longer seem so bleak and you will start to live a life worth fighting for - the life you were MEANT to live.

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