Good, Better, and Best

If we have a flow of thoughts that lead from one subject to another, does this mean that we only had one thought?  If we are thinking about our next destination while we are driving, how to operate the vehicle, anticipating the actions of the other drivers, determining the physics involved in simply merging into traffic, and not to mention the road conditions or weather factors - are we able to still think about what we are going to have for dinner when we get home?

I think that several thoughts can cross our mind at once, then we take appropriate action for the thoughts we choose.  Some of these actions are an automatic response.  Our mind recognizes the familiarity of the situation, causing our muscle memory to engage in activity in response to the thought in process.  This can be as simple as turning on our indicator or pushing down on the brake - something that we have done before and takes almost no thinking to do.  Other actions require cognitive thought in order for us to properly perform.  We allow ourselves more time for reasoning and judgment before permitting ourselves to execute the necessary action.  These actions may include positioning one's body correctly in a bench press to maximize muscle strength - defining body language for a specific purpose, or creating thought provoking blogs to probe into the minds of others =) - articulating the change of thought into literature or spoken word.

It is quite obvious that our minds have the capacity to process more than we give ourselves credit for.  We have the ability to delve into activities that depend upon constant brain activity.  We have the power to multi-task and accomplish more in a shorter amount of time.  We have the available resources to continually improve our daily productivity.  We have the knowledge to enhance and expand our learning capabilities.  All of this at our fingertips and what are we doing with it?

So many thoughts only mean one thing - Choice.

In every circumstance, good or bad, we ALWAYS have a choice.  Being faced with a choice may be the onset of many thoughts - or unguided pondering may have lead to having to choose.  We all expect our options to be "one or the other", or maybe the "upside or downside" - when really, the hardest decisions we face are those that are presented with all positive options.  It does not matter which option you choose, it will be good either way.  You believe that in some aspect of your life, you will benefit from it whether you know it or not.  Once the decision is made, you follow through whole heartedly - it's just making the decision that is difficult.  This is when you pull out a piece of paper and write down your pro's and con's for each option given.  Categorize.

If all possibilities are laid out on the table, the less likely it will be for you to feel uneasy after the decision is made.  Be honest with your options, because you're only doing this for you anyway.  You can seek the opinion of others, or wait and risk losing an opportunity - but when all is said and done, your decision and motives are solely dependent upon you.  Nobody can tell you what to do, how to live, or what your life should resemble.  You are the only one who has the power to alter the life you live.  Let your thoughts be filled with clarity and honesty - this will make this part of the process so much easier.  Filter.

Accept the responsibilities that come with the choice you've made.  Don't leave room for blame, guilt and apologies - take what you have, and run with it.  Own who, where, and what you are - you are the only one that can.  Be okay with whatever repercussions may follow.  Enjoy the good, let go of the bad.  From here on out, it is most likely that the chain reaction of events are out of your control.  Recognize.

A good decision will never be a hit to the short-stop - although it maybe the hardest to avoid, easy never meant for satisfaction to be long lasting.

The better decision will be playing fair game for all teams involved - although each player is equally ranked, when expectations fail power play will have it's way.

Your BEST decision will be to cover all your bases - although this is the most difficult, nobody said a homerun hit would be an easy thing to do.

......... but keep running.

To Be Or Not To Be?

How often do we believe that we need to be someone or something we know we couldn't or ever will be?  It is not that we cannot achieve great things, or be more than we currently are - it is just about being who we are, right here and now, accepting it, and not worrying about what everybody else has to say about it. 

Dreams are more than just subconscious worlds we create while laying asleep at night.  Goals have become more than kicking a ball into a soccer net.  Soaring has taken more flight than a paper plane.  The sky is NOT the limit.  We think that we have to stop once we've hit the clouds, but there is so much more out there to discover.  There is more than what meets the eye.  People are afraid of what they do not understand.  Knowledge is power and power is knowledge - without that, we would be little minion's conforming to the views and dictations of another.  The more we know, the more ability we have to be independent.  We give ourselves the power to protect ourselves.  We enable our righteous dominion in trusting our inner instincts.  We allow the sole's of our feet to sink into the back of our shoes and take off in a sprint.  We take note of all the different scenes, picking up bystanders along the way. 

Stop.  Just Breathe.  Don't Think.  Let Go.  Be YOU. 

Sometimes we feel that what we are is not enough.  We trick ourselves into thinking that what we are doing will never measure up.  We betray our peaceful feelings with negativity and doubt.  We spend days on end wondering if we are on our God given path - not realizing we are right on track.  We let people in and out of our lives, for the wrong and right reasons.  Our minds are occupied with worry over situations that are out of our control.  It becomes easier to blame ourselves for other people's failed expectations.  We put fault in places that were without imperfection. 

Stop.  Just Breathe.  Don't Think.  Let Go.  Be YOU.

Let me tell you - everything we face - the hurt, pain, and anguish are ALL purposeful for our personal growth.  Without sadness, we would not know happiness.  We would not progress if we were not tried.  If everything were handed to us on a silver platter, the meaning of achievement and gratitude would mean absolutely nothing.  Who YOU are, and what YOU are doing IS enough!  Those feelings of peace ARE in fact REAL and there is NOTHING in this world that can replicate that.  Your friendships are as meaningful as you make them - make them worth it without the interference of others.  Don't fret over something that is out of your control - put your time to better use and accept your circumstances.  Stop blaming yourself for not letting others live vicariously through you.  I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason - most times, those reasons are not known or clear to us.  All we can do, is trust that this is part of The Great Plan and to continue living faithfully, finding peace in what brings us the most happiness.

Stop.  Just Breathe.  Don't Think.  Let Go.  Be YOU.

It is because we understand the feelings of disappointment, the never-ending self doubt, and the continual heartache - that we come to appreciate the pleasure we find in the simple joys of life.  Our love for another increases when a baby finds warmth and safety in our arms.  The urge to serve grows deep within us as we aid to someone in need, and see the smile upon their face.  These indescribable feelings would be impossible to explore if we go through life with a security blanket.  Check yourself out of 'Heartbreak Hotel' and start opening yourself to bigger and better opportunities.  Drop the facade and be honest with yourself and those around you.  Do not be ashamed to hold your head high even if many are against you. 

Stop.  Just Breathe.  Don't Think. Let Go.  Be YOU.

In a classroom scene from "10 Things I hate About You" - there is a quote on the wall that says "What is popular is not always right, what is right is not always popular".  If you have become the minority, do not think that what you are doing is wrong.  Discover.  Explore.  There is a reason you are feeling the way you do.  The thought would not cross your mind if the information was not out there for you to find.  Those around you have not walked into your life accidentally.  Sometimes things happen and we are put into situations that have a specific purpose.  We know in our heart that we are exactly where we are meant to be, doing exactly what it is we are doing - but then we start to question our actions, limit ourselves, undermine divinity, and over-analyze with our heads and disregard the feelings within.  This is when confusion overrides, corruption takes place, and human nature takes it's course.

STOP.  Just Breathe.  Don't think.  Let Go.  Be YOU.

Allow yourself the time to dig deep - find what makes you, YOU - look at the life you lead - ask yourself, is this really you?

Allow yourself the space to disperse your emotions - hold onto the ones worth keeping - open yourself to another - ask yourself, are you being honest?

Allow yourself the energy to expand - learn from your mistakes - give yourself power - ask yourself, is this a good investment?

Dream Big.  Aspire Higher.  No Regrets. 

Understand that there is no other YOU in this world.  You are not a clone.  No other person could fill your shoes.  Be who you are without doubt or fear.  Hold your head high with dignity.  Accept yourself and the responsibilities that follow.  Many will try to bring you down - but if you believe in yourself, and are living life for YOU - they will not have power over you.  Hold your ground.  Be true to yourself.. and give yourself a little more credit :)

Move Forward.  Keep Breathing.  Think Freely.  Hold on.  Remain YOU!

From THIS Moment On...

"The most self-destructive thought that any person can have is thinking that he or she is not in total control of his or her life.  That's when, "Why me?" becomes a theme song."

Right now, we are all living a brand new day - one that has never happened before, and one that will never be repeated.  With a new day, comes a new moment - in that new moment we have a choice, and on that choice depends our personal development.  We choose the thoughts that we are focusing on just in this present moment.  We have total and utter control over the wild or demure escapades that our thoughts transpire.  Are your thoughts simply random?  Or perhaps they are negative?  Are they relevant to what you are doing in this moment of time?  The thoughts you are entertaining may distract you from doing.  Don't waste your energy, keep action provoking thoughts, and create room for the flights of fancy to surface ----- for they're not thoughts - but inspiration, and inspiration only come to the clear minded.

In this present moment, we choose how we behave, act, and react.  Depending on the choice that we make, we can effortlessly change our lives.  How much energy have you simply squandered already today?  How much time have you exhausted sitting in front of your computer screen, staring blankly?  How much of your precious energy have you wasted gossiping and revelling about the misdeeds and misfortune of others?  How much of your time have you misused with colorful self pity parties and attention seeking entertainment?  How much energy have you expounded in creating different false persona's for false gratification?  So much of our time and energy is devoted to doing things we basically shouldn't be doing - like browsing the internet for things that have nothing to do with anything important, reading emails that were forwarded to you to cover someone elses tracks, wading through the sordid details of domestic violence that pad out and surface in the lives of others, worrying hours on end about situations you will never have the power to completely fix??  Every moment you waste is a moment you will never have again - and what we achieve in this life is the sum total of how we spend every precious moment.   

I hope that in considering some of those searching questions you might begin to understand just how much of your energy is wasted doing things that will get you nowhere on your life's journey.  At least these are energy-wasters that you are aware of - because there is something even worse going on.  How much of your life are you wasting that you are not even aware of?  Unless your subconscious mind is fully immersed in meaningful activity in the present moment, it is happily living in your childhood years, thinking that your childhood experiences are actually happening now - and you have no idea whatsoever that this is even happening.  That is the waste of energy that separates us all from the possibilities of the now, from the reality of the now, and from the abundance of now.

So, this is what it all boils down to - do you want to live a more fulfilling life?  Then ask yourself if what you are doing now, in the context of what you truly want out of life, is the very best investment of your energy.  If it isn't, don't do it.

"Someday everything will all make perfect sense.  So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason."

"People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so that eventually you learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart in order for better things to fall into place."

LIFE

Living In Full Effectiveness

As this day of my birth comes to a close for an entire year, I sit here pondering and reminiscing on what has helped shaped the Ileva I am today.  Like anyone else, I've been on numerous rollercoaster rides - but have also encountered and experienced many smooth sails.  With the wind in my hair, the rushing breeze against my cheeks, or the ever expanding horizon in view and smell of the fresh ocean spray - I find that I always have the same tools available to me, in stormy and calm weather.

Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth

Always within reach, either in print or on my cellular device - they never change.  How often do we find ourselves looking to this resource for guidance and upliftment?  It is so nice to know that we all have our own personal hand book that can be applied anywhere through this journey of mortality to enable our strength in returning home.  If we only treated it like we do our cell phones - using it for constant communication, rushing back home to retrieve it if forgotten, knowing every piece of information within it, supplying it with a secure cover for protection, recharging it every night, having every single person know about it, regularly checking for an answer, identifying every scratch and smudge, trusting the GPS system for safe and fast travels, and becoming upset every single time we accidently drop it.  Not only do I need to trust in His written word, but He has trusted in me to use and apply them 24/7.

Jesus, Others, You

It has taken me a long time to realize that loneliness is never a human being's first choice.  I am not very drawn to an activity or place of many people, which sometimes leads me to becoming vey reclusive and often leading to forcing myself into my own solitary confinement.  I know - this is unhealthy.  We all need people to survive, and most importantly - we need Christ.  Without Him, we will be impeccably incapable of doing anything we currently do.  They say that those who are married and have children, have longer lasting and happier lives in comparison to those without an eternal companion and no children.  Happiness is contagious - therefore, making you a host and a victim.  It effects everyone you come into contact with and is more affective when it begins with JOY. 

Forget About Me, I Love You

My family are and always will be a source of comfort.  These people do not only include who I call mother, father, brother, and sister - but also all those who I've met along the way that have made life easier to bear.  My friends are the family that God let me pick while here on earth and blood couldn't make us any closer.  We would be completely lost without the family unit, as Christ's church is strongest when in complete unity with all of God's children.  It starts with being selfless, forgetting ourselves, and being of service to one another out of love.

Not

Another

M

E

My name is Ileva - the only one I know.  I was born on May 25th 1990 at 5:45pm, in Greenlane Hospital, Auckland, New Zealand.  I am 21 years old.  I am half Tongan, quarter Samoan, and quarter Maori.  I am one of six children - the third child and third daughter to my mother.  I attend Arizona State University and am majoring in Psychology.  I want to be a Criminal Profiler.  My favorite colors are egg plant purple and bright yellow.  I have a love for music and writing.  I used to be a fan of cats before I became allergic.  I am a chocoholic.  I like to play rugby.  I love the sounds of baby laughter.  I always wear jewlry.  I never leave the house without perfume and lip gloss.  I hate grocery shopping.  Making new friends is one of my favorite hobbies.  I like to hold children.  I sleep best in sunlight.  I love the feel of clean sheets.  I like the smell of a bedroom belonging to a new born baby.  I like hugs.  I like playing in the rain and puddles.  My favorite movie is The Wizard of Oz.  I am sometimes a little OCD.  I like to fold laundry.  I hate vacuuming and mopping.  I know some of the greatest people known to man.  I am discovering happiness.  I am blessed to know what I know.  I know God lives.  I know Christ is my Savior.  I love my family. 
This is a part of who I am ---- I am who I am today because of the JOY I find in LIFE.

Love Overcomes Virtually Everything

Have you started LIFE?

What Worries You - Masters You

According to an online dictionary, I found several intersting definitions for this silly thing we do - "worry".

1) to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret

2) to lacerate or kill by biting, shaking etc.

3) to disturb the peace of mind

4) to proceed despite difficulties

Obviously, worry is something we inflict upon ourselves. We let ourselves enter a world that comes almost automatically when we see someone in need; are taking an exam we hurriedly studied for an hour before; visit the doctor's office for that cough we've had for months; do something we know we shouldn't; get up on stage to sing that song we've spent months preparing; or even just meeting someone new and making a new friend. It just happens. Sometimes we let that worry encompass our reality - therefore, leading to internal discomfort and hazy views of what is real and what is of our imagination. We torment ourselves over what should've, would've, or could've been - instead of focusing on today and accepting whatever tomorrow may bring.

Someone once told me "Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness". When we let something interfere with our peace of mind and allow unnecessary complication into our lives, we indirectly not only hurt ourselves - but those around us. When we can only see the one thing that is causing perturbation, we inhibit our happiness and stunt our personal growth. Without realizing, we push away anyone and everyone we love in fear that they may breach upon this relationship we've now established with "worry". It is as if we've put ourselves under running hot water knowing the tap is broken - we feel the pain and understand the damage, but we've become so fixated on why the water is hot and where it is coming from, that we lose sight of the real problem.. the broken tap. By the time we finally become conscious of our physical suffering, we've already flooded the entire house and burned those who came to help fix the tap. The damage is done, the water is slowly draining, and the only thing left is a broken water fixture. The only way to stop the continual water flow at this point in time, is to disconnect it from the main water supply. From a distance it looks perfectly fine - until you try to turn it on, and it slowly drips unwanted water. It can be fixed - but like a mechanic with a car, it will take patience, an eye to compare, and many 'test drives' before normal daily use.

Worry is as good or bad as you make it. It can be put to better use - we just have to find that handle, or that kitchen tap that fits securely in our hands, immovable without OUR control. When your child is not home on time, the worry of something bad happening is what causes you to go out searching. When you wake up with a headache in the morning, the worry of having it become worse is what forces you to take those pills you hate, but need in order to feel better.  Often we are told "Don't worry about it" or "Don't worry, Be happy" - but I think we all know that these phrases are much more easier said than done.  I read somewhere "Nobody got anywhere in the world by being content".  Whether this "anywhere" is forward or backward is regulated by us.  I think the trickiest part is finding how to position ourselves while walking on this ballerina's balancing beam we call life.  If we put too much weight in either direction, we could fall - if we do not apply any weight or pressure in either direction, we don't move.. we have come to a complete stop.

Do we take the risk of falling?  Or do we stay in our comfort zone and never progress?
If we knew we could get back up effortlessly if we fell, would we still take the risk?  Or would we be afraid of the pain caused by the fall?
If staying in our comfort zones meant we would be alone, would we still be content?  Or would we be happy going through life with nobody by our side?

I'm not even sure where I am trying to go with this, or if I am even making sense - but I think as humans we tend to get so caught up in this thing we call "life" without stopping now and then to appreciate what it is that makes our lives so worth while.  We make friendships along the way - some for a reason, season, or a lifetime.  Whether they are there for an hour or a year - ask yourself, was it worth it?  We make choices every single day - some silly and others in all seriousness.  If you could have done something differently - ask yourself, would it change anything?  We look at ourselves in the mirror while preparing for the day - applying make up and shaving unwanted hair.  If this is who you want to promote to the world - ask yourself, is this the real you?

I think I pay too much attention on wondering about how life would be if I was just a little bit stronger, a little bit wiser, and a little less needy.. when really, life is exactly the way it should be and everything that is happening is for a reason.  All I know is that "worry" is controlled by me, and like I said earlier - it is as good or bad as I make it. 

Don't become a slave to something you can control. 
Discover it.  Master it.  Live it.

Wrong
Or
Right
Remain
Yourself

Exposure Breeds Similarity

I remember when I was about seven or so, crawling in bed next to my mother and asking her "When I grow up, can I swear?".  This ludicrous question took my mother off guard as she looked down at me with a huge smile on her face, trying not to laugh.  In all seriousness I asked her again, "When I am old, like you, will I be allowed to swear then?".  She found it quite funny that I had referred to her as 'old' - since we had been told many times not to tell people her real age, and that she, unlike anyone else, just stayed the same age forever and ever.  After much giggling and silly laughter, she finally told me "No.  If you can't swear now, then why would you be allowed to swear when you're old like me?".  With very little understanding about what she had said, I replied "Well, because I'll be older and I can do whatever I want.  The people on T.V swear, and the older kids at school do too.  Why can't I when I grow up?".  You have to understand my mother, we weren't even allowed to say "shut-up" - she still hates that phrase to this day, and what is even more funny - I think it seems a little more offensive to see it in writing, let alone hear it out loud.  If saying "be quiet" wasn't enough (which it should have been), we had permission to say "shush up".  A little lame for a kid who only ever associated with the 'cool' and 'popular' children (in partial to my sisters) who said "shut up" as often as I wanted chocolate.

Exposure.  As humans, we naturally like to familiarize ourselves with our surroundings.  We like to find similarity in what it is that we are familiarizing ourselves with.  Those similarities become a base for attitude and behavior.  Attitude and behavior dictate our desires, and our desires influence who we are.  Where we find similarity can come from anywhere.  We are more likely to help another in need if we find that we are similar in some way, shape, or form.  We will be more readily to engage in an activity that we have some sort of experience with - great or small.  We tend to eat or stay away from the same foods because we know how they make us feel.  Our daily routine rarely changes as we have become used to the order of activity.  As long as we can find comfort and similarity in the activities we engage in and the people we come into contact with, then life tends to stay on an even keel.  It is all due to exposure and how much we connect with what we choose to expose ourselves to.

When I was five years old, I wanted everyone to call me Jennifer AND I wanted to be Mexican.  Why, you might ask?  I was the youngest of three girls at the time and they both have 'normal' names.  So naturally, I felt like the odd-child in the family (I don't think anything has changed! :) ).  Kristina and Alison - oh, how much I wanted to be just like my sisters!  Nobody could ever get my name right.  I remember my first day of school in New Zealand, the teacher asked if I had a nickname..... little did she know - Ileva IS my nickname.  Every visit to the doctor's office, the nurse would walk out with my file in hand and just stand there and stare at my name on the front - just from the look on her face and the way her lips were silently moving, I knew it was me she had come for.  "That's me!" I would say before she had the chance to even attempt to say my name.  I just wanted something NORMAL - let alone, pronounceable.  So, how did wanting to be Mexican fall in line with the name of Jennifer?  Well, the only Hispanic person I had been exposed to was Jennifer Lopez.  Yes, J-LO.  I figured, if I'm going to be a 'Jennifer', I might as well be Mexican too, cause then I will be able to sing just as well and everyone will be able to say my name!

Similarity.  After becoming used to our surroundings and accepting those who tend to creep into our worlds, with or without our permission, we subconsciously start to change ourselves to conform to our current environment.  We start to find similarities between our inner selves and the outside world we have created.  We no longer have individuality, but prefer mainstream recognition.  As long as we can keep people thinking that we meet all conditions of 'normalcy', then we have succeeded.  We start to retaliate attitudes and behaviors we have long resented.  People who we held close are effortlessly pushed away if they do not meet our personal quota of similarity. There is an unspoken of and unseen social radar that the followers of 'norms' have to stay beneath - this is where we lose ourselves.

Why do we do what we do when we know what we know?  I'm still trying to answer this question myself.  I don't understand why we sometimes let ourselves return to places that were at one point detrimental - physically, mentally, spiritually, and/or emotionally.  It seems as if it is a neverending cycle - as if we've taken five steps forward and three steps back.  We keep running forward, only to see the good things pass us by because we are stuck on a wheel like a hamster.  Some of us can slow ourselves down long enough to see our lives for what they truly are, and then make necessary changes - for the rest of us, we need interventions.  It is different for everyone.  Each situation similar to another but unique in circumstance.  Each person given their own sets of shoes, specifically designed for them.

I am nowhere near perfect, but I have always been very inquisitive - I had a question for everything.  Some answerable questions, others.... not so much.  But, I think when it comes down to it - Choice, Control, and Closure are my Three C's that I try to include while on this indeterminate journey we call Life. 

Choice is ALWAYS going to presented in every situation - some are just harder to see than others.  Once a decision is made, hold your ground and gain Control of what it is you are trying to achieve.  After all is said done, if you cannot find Closure, then you have not reached true and pure happiness - which should be our end goal in any given situation. 

Choose what you want to be exposed to, Control it, and find Closure in what that exposure brings.

There's No Place Like Home

My all-time favorite movie is The Wizard of Oz.  No, I'm not kidding.  One of my very first childhood memories consists of myself and little red ruby shoes.  Yes, I did own a pair - now I've converted to red..... heels. 
I had just finished watching The Wizard of Oz (probably for the tenth time over by now) when my mother told me to put on my shoes - because just like every other day, we were going out!  I remember running to the shoe cupboard and and being faced with a difficult decision.  What shoes am I going to wear today?  (Is it sad to say that I still have this same issue NOW!?)  Did I want to wear my most treasured and prized possession - cute, red, sparkly slippers (although they were too small and practically in shreds)... or did I want to graciously give the plain old boring white shoes a run?  Because I'm me, I chose the red.  It didn't matter that they were too small and falling apart with every step, I wanted to be like Dorothy in the movie and wear magic red shoes!  I felt like a princess guarding a secret that nobody else knew I had.  I had something that I thought only I could have - I was special and wanted to stay that way.  I wanted to be different.  I remember the day I went to the shoe cupboard, and my red slippers were nowhere to be found.  Oh, how sad and frustrated I was that I had to wear my white ones - which were actually identical in design, but.... just white.  I remember crying on the floor as my mother told me she had to throw them away because they were too small and not "pretty" enough for me to wear anymore.  I felt as though I had lost my identity.

"There's no place like home" I would sometimes say to myself, while clicking my heels together with my eyes shut tight hoping to wake up in a world that was different to what I currently knew.  When I was young, if I was in a place where I didn't want to be - I would do exactly that.  It never did seem to work instantaneously like I wanted it to.  But, if I was patient enough then someone would eventually pick me up and carry me out to the car to enjoy the ride to our next destination.  It was pleasant and enjoyable - until I was bored of that "world" also.  Then, the clicking of the heels would begin again.

I'm five days shy of my 21st birthday and I still wish I had long lasting red ruby shoes like Dorothy.  How wonderful would it be to click your heels three times and find yourself at "home" again?  I never really realized how applicable this movie has become in my life until recently.  Sometimes I find myself not appreciating or being happy with the life I currently live.  At that point, I conjure up thoughts of wanting to do something a little bit more 'exciting' without taking in the potential negative consequences.  At first it seems all fun and dandy - thrilling even.  But pretty soon something happens and I find myself on a "yellow brick road" longing for the life I never appreciated.  Along the way, like Dorothy, I find a brainless scarecrow, heartless tin man, and a cowardly lion - three aspects of this journey that could be symbolic to what it is that I'm trying to discover within myself?  Knowledge, Love (feeling), and Courage (strength, faith).

Close to the end of the movie, Dorothy finally has everything she needs to go home and is about to take off in the hot air balloon when Toto runs away.  Of course she runs after Toto but she cannot get back into the hot air balloon.  She has come all this way and has endured so much, only to stay stuck in Oz.  Although Dorothy is as sad as can be, the Good Witch, Glinda, tells her that she has always had the power to go home.  Glinda never told her this in the beginning because she knew Dorothy would not believe her.  All she had to do was click her heels together three times and repeat "There's no place like home". 

Throughout the movie you see the shoes have protected Dorothy more than she has realized.  It is because she never took them off, that she is kept safe and out of the sight of the Wicked Witch.

How bliss would life be if we studied the gospel a little deeper, loved a little more, and believed with fewer inhibitions? 

We often wonder why bad things are happening to us after we've done everything we are supposed to, when really - we don't know what it is that we are preventing from happening because of what we are doing.  I think as long as we have a clear purpose in mind, stick to our yellow brick road, and discover ourselves along the way - then we have everything we need within our reach.

Where are your red ruby slippers?

Mother's Day

She doesn't like it when I post pictures of her

I'm grateful for my mother.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that she has sacrificed more than anyone should to be an amazing mum.  She gave so much of herself to make sure I was happy - something she still continues to do.  She gives meaning to my life in a way no other could give, and I'm blessed and proud to say that she is MY Mum.  If it wasn't for her, I would not be here in the United States.  I would not have met all the wonderful people who have graciously placed themselves in my life.  My mother is the reason I love to write.  She kept many journals and would often express herself without inhibitions through writing.  Although I am not much of a daily journal keeper, I mimicked her uninhibited writing behavior.  Through this, I am able to convey my own feelings and thoughts concerning many different aspects of life.  To her I am endlessly appreciative for the positive influence she has had, and continues to have on me.  I love you Mum.

Mom and I

I tend to find and keep many "mother's" as I move from place to place.  Finding people to fill in that emptiness that can only be filled through a mother.  Like any other child, I crave a mother's hug, the constant reassurance, the random calls just to say "Hello" and ending in "I love you", the feeling of being wanted, and simply - just the perpetual friendship.  There has been only one other person who has been able to fill all of those wants, needs and more - my "Show Low Mom" Terri Holladay.
I started working for her on May 12th 2008 - and because of that, we are where we are, today.  I'm so blessed to have her in my life and for all that she continues to do to be amazing.  She brings something special into my life that could only come from her.  I love you Mom.
This poem is dedicated to the few important women in my life that continue to make life easier.  Who need more than just a day to know how much they're loved.  You're all remarkable women.  Know that all you do, never goes unnoticed.   

A Love Like THIS...
The value of one's love, is not given in coins of gold
Nor is it something tangible, with a price to be bought or sold
The measure of one's love, exceeds the mile marker at each bend
It is as long as it is wide, limitless - at each end
The power of one's love, cannot be beaten even with force
It provides invincible strength, to triumph battles no other has fought
The presence of one's love, is often felt from day to day
As present as the sky above, regardless of weather it is here to stay
The divinity of one's love, comes from He who sits on high
Sending messages through her spirit, to tell each child of His "You're Mine"
  This love is incomparable, to everything we currently know
It is beyond our comprehension, but without words it can be shown
Such love IS among us, available at our will
Recognizable in an instant, potent but tranquil
Without conditions or fine lines of print, it penetrates our soul
Calms our inner struggles, fulfilling a heavenly roll
This love needs recognition, not just a day but a lifetime through
An endless debt of gratitude, for all it does and continues to do
Father in Heaven was truly thoughtful, in His Plan of Creation here on earth
He gave us His crowning glory, making it possible for physical birth
He knew she would best portray, His ever abounding love
He knew her love would exemplify, what could only come from above
It is because of this love we exist, and why we even came to be
This love is more eminent than any other, and prolongs for eternity
It is this love exactly, that illuminates our darkest days
This love is irreplaceable, and incomparable in every way
Who has this love we yearn for, in detailed description like this;
A love never forgotten, easy to find and hard to miss?
A Mother's Love is this precisely, it is something we all implore
A love without inhibition, and indisputable for sure
Words are imperfect to depict, this amity we cannot deny
 No catch phrase or expression, to illustrate how we feel inside
"She is more precious than rubies", Proverbs tell us so
In this we take comfort, more than she'll ever know
The pure joy of a mother, no doubt, no amiss
Is the reason we know, a love like THIS...